#why do I have to write this incel's name kill me

[jamminvroomvroom]

4k celebration

congrats on 4k love - your writing is absolutely worth all of the hype and even more!!! i adore your work and so look forward to even more people discovering it.

i was hoping to request a lewis fic?? i’m such a slut for a good enemies to lovers situation, so maybe along the lines of reader is a fair bit younger than lewis, but there’s been all of this tension btwn them and it all boils over one night (smuttyyyyy) 🥴

we made up.

LH x fem!rival reader - 4k celebration

in which you can never just bite your tongue

eeeeek i love this request! thank u sm anon for ur sweet words, ur so lovely i hope i’ve done this justice for you! writing for lewis terrified me so this might not be my best work but we move! more lewis requests to come, let me know what you think <3

songs to set the mood: stargirl interlude by the weekend & lana del rey

warnings: 18+!! minors go away!! smut, swearing, degradation, praise, dom!lewis, some switch!reader, implied age gap, slightly inexperienced reader, enemies to lovers, blink n you’ll miss it size kink

2.6k words

you hide admiration with a scowl, curling into yourself, as far away as you can get from him. the couch seems to get smaller and smaller with every overly intelligent, carefully thought out word he says. each sentence seems to be coated in a thick layer of i don’t give a fuck. you don’t know how he’s so good a toeing the line.

after six years in f1, you still couldn’t work out why you didn’t like lewis hamilton.

maybe it was his cool confidence, the way he never lacked composure, while you were called an unhinged, delusional woman by every incel on twitter for so much as breathing. maybe it was his sky high stack of trophies, championships, podiums, wins. you weren’t even halfway close to touching his records. maybe it was the way he was diabolically, inhumanly gorgeous, a truly breathtaking creature. you paled in every single way compared to lewis, so how could you even begin to like him?

it was silly, really, pathetic even, feeling such childish disdain just because he was better than you. he was older, more refined, iconic in every single way that you weren’t. perhaps you’d get there one day, but you simply weren’t there yet.

you’re sat beside him in the press conference, sharing the couch with him, alex, lando, charles and max. it wasn’t the worst combination in the world, but anytime you had to sit in front of a gaggle of hawk-eyed journos and a million cameras with lewis, something unfortunate usually happened. never by design, but you just weren’t very good at saving face in front of the mercedes driver.

“do you think the podium is a possibility this weekend?” someone from autosport whose name you can’t remember asks.

“i’m hoping so, just need to keep the mercs behind us again, but i don’t think that will be that hard.” you respond, without even a sliver of a filter. the material of the sofa shifts as lewis tenses up beside you, inhaling sharply at your blatant disrespect. somewhere beside you, lando sniggers, and max is rolling his eyes.

it was no secret that you didn’t have the softest spot in the world for sir lewis.

“that’s assuming your car makes it to the end of the race.” lewis clears his throat, speaking with confident conviction. you turn you head to glare at him, painfully unable to take what you give. alex slaps his hand over his mouth.

“at least my car isn’t so bad that i’d rather go and learn the alphabet down at ferrari.” you scoff. you avoid the eyes of your comms officer, because if looks could kill, you’d be six feet under already.

“i think we’ll leave it there.” tom clarkson suggests, and you stand from the panel and storm away on trembling legs with a terrible ache throbbing between them.

there’s something about the pettiness, the reasonless back and fourth you two always seem to partake in that leaves you in need of a cold shower.

-

turns out, you have to apologise.

you spend the better part of an hour being bollocked by your press team, who, for some reason, don’t find it particularly amusing that you’d somehow managed to insult the lewis hamilton, ferrari, and mercedes in the span of two sentences.

so, there you were, begrudgingly trailing towards lewis���s hotel room. it’s on the top floor, because of course it is, it’s him. he oozes expensive exclusively, naturally above the rest. you twist your rings nervously, increasingly terrified of being in a confined space alone with the gorgeous brit. your knuckles rap gently against the wood of his door, intentionally weakly. you pray he won’t hear you and that you can just disappear back into the elevator and into your room, to pathetically let you hands wander between your clenched thighs.

but god laughs, and the door swings open. lewis seems startled by your presence, just for a moment though, leaning cooly against the doorframe. his lips pull into a faint smile. two things alarm you. first of all, he’s shirtless, bare from the waist up, a plethora of delicious tattoos on display for you to feast your eyes on. secondly, and somehow even worse, he’s panting, clearly just back from a work out in the gym. he glistens with sweat, and your mind goes blank, apologetic words die on your tongue.

“something to say, angel, or are you just here to stare?” lewis teases, the words rolling off his tongue smoothly. you pray for the ground to gape open, swallow you hole, suck you into hot lava.

“well, i was gonna apologise but i don’t think you deserve it.” you sneer, crossing your arms over your chest accusingly.

“didn’t think you knew how to apologise.” lewis grins sarcastically, mocking you.

“has anyone told you how arrogant you are?” you bite back, eyes narrowing.

“why don’t you come in here and i’ll show you just how arrogant i can be?” his voice has dropped a few octaves, seductive and low.

the proposition, the suggestion behind his words makes you fold immediately. you’d wondered for far too long about what he was like behind closed doors and under thick bedsheets, and if you had the chance at finding out, you’d be imbecilic not to take it.

you shove his muscled chest, pushing him back into his room. his hands find your waist, pulling harshly at the material of your loose t-shirt. he’s watching you intently, mesmerised by the angry flush on your cheeks tinging you pink. your eyes convey hunger, matching his, and you’re forcing him down to sit at the foot of his bed.

“why are you such an asshole?” you hiss, slotting your knees on either side of his so that you’re straddling him.

“probably the same reason you’re such a little bitch.” lewis growls, tugging you forward harshly on his lap. you feel his work out shorts ride up on his thighs, the material sensitive on your skin.

your pupils blow wide at his words, and you’re kissing him hard, teeth and tongues clashing messily. his lips are so soft, pillowy as they brush aggressively with your own and you lick wetly into his awaiting mouth. he’s addictive, minty, and you fall against his bare chest as he leans back into the mattress.

“i think you need to be taught some manners.” lewis grunts, flipping your bodies over like you’re nothing, and slotting against your body like a missing piece.

“i think the same could be said about you.” you breathe, sliding your hand under the waistband of his shorts. he chuckles quietly, the rumble reverberating through your own chest, cracking you open.

“try your best.” he whispers. your eyes roll back.

truth is, you’re not the most experienced person in the world. yes, you’re in your mid twenties, but a long term relationship with the worlds biggest loser and dedicating your life to a career in a boys club meant that you didn’t have the time to develop broadest set of skills. you didn’t have the luxury of letting loose in a nightclub with a stranger because if that information got into the wrong hands, you’d be slut-shamed off the face of the earth. so now, you found yourself a little bit lost under a literal sex god.

as if he can hear your thoughts, lewis pulls back.

“what’s the matter? do you want me to stop?” he’s softer than he ever has been with you, melting away in your hands, but you draw him back in, tightening your grip on the band of his shorts.

“no, no, i just…” the words die on your tongue. something in your eyes gives him all the information that he needs.

“do what feels right, good.” his nose brushes your jaw, kissing over it and you settle back into the moment.

“teach me a lesson.” you whisper, empowered in his hands, and he springs back into action, his demeanour slipping right back into what it had been.

“is that why you’re so bad in interviews? just want me to fuck some respect into you?” his lips tug amusedly when you nod rapidly up at him.

an experimental roll of his hips makes you keen, hand slipping into his braids and pulling hard. his eyes fall shut, lips parting to let out a soft groan, his eyebrows pinching from the rough pleasure. your fingers graze over the skin of his toned belly, finding sensitive skin that makes him shiver.

“you distracted, lew?” you taunt, with the only intention of riling him up.

his eyes snap open, hard and lacking any sort of warmth, and he tears your hands from where they rest on his firm body, swiftly pinning them above your head with one hand. he plants himself on one knee, balancing himself so that he can fiddle with the button of your shorts. he makes quick work of removing them, forcing the zipper down and skilfully manoeuvring them with just the one hand.

once they’re gone, along with the lace of your underwear, he forces your thighs apart, and slides his fingers along the seam of your cunt, slicking them up. you’re soaked and he momentarily falters, but he doesn’t let himself get too visibly affected.

“fuck, you’re so wet. been thinking about me, angel?” he teases mercilessly, as he rocks the first thick digit into you, twisting and curling until he finds the spot that makes you buck your hips.

“nothing to say now, hm?” lewis tuts, wetting his lips. the feeling of you squeezing so tight around just one of his fingers makes him choke out a moan. you can feel his hot breath fanning over your face, your eyes squeezing shut at the feeling of him filling you up.

“more.” you breathe, stuttering over just one word. he revels in how he’s managed to reduce you to this so quickly.

“you sure you can take it, angel? so fucking tight.”

“make me.” you plead, parting your strained thighs even wider for him.

he lets go of your hands, snaking down your body to get himself closer to where you’re dripping already.

“keep them there.” lewis orders, and you grip tightly onto the pillows to exercise restraint.

lewis presses his forearm over the plush of your belly, holding you down as he adds a second finger, watching in awe as it slips so effortlessly into your pussy. you’re mewling, fighting to buck your hips but the firm press of his muscled arm keeps you in place.

“so pretty for me, angel, soaking my fingers.” he notes, entranced at how responsive you are for him.

“want you inside of me, lew.” you whine, knuckles paper white where you’re fighting off the urge to reach down and touch him.

“wait.” he snarls, ramming his fingers even harder, grinding against the soft spot buried deep. “you’re gonna cum like this first.”

with that, he removes the barricade of his arm, bringing his spare hand to your clit, the pad of his thumb drawing calloused circles into the bud. you lose it, grinding down on his fingers like a woman possessed.

“that’s it, sweetie, fuck yourself for me.” lewis encourages, voice gravelly and low.

sparks shoot down your spine, nothing but white behind your eyelids as he lights you on fire. you can’t warn him, the words lost to the tense air of the room as you barrel towards your first release. he eases you through it, not letting up even a little bit, but it pays off when you can’t help but writhe against the cream of the bedspread.

“god.” you croak, flopping limp as he pulls out, crawling over you.

“learned your lesson?”

“not quite.” you flash an exhausted grin, abandoning your grasp on the pillows to slide them down his thick frame.

you trace the lion adorning his shoulder, the compass, each piece driving you further into utter delirium. your hands graze his waist, snaking around his abdomen until you reach the cross, tracing it until you reach words that keep him going.

still i rise the cursive reads, and he shivers as you rake your nails over it.

“fuck me.” you purr. your hands slide under his shorts once more, gripping at the curve of his ass. you push the material down over his thighs, and he happily kicks them away, his inked hands roughly spreading you even wider.

“desperate little thing, bet you go home after every race and fuck yourself silly wishing it was me, hm?” he adjusts himself between your legs, his thick cock nudging against you entrance, drenching himself in the mess he’d made.

you gasp out a moan as he slides deep, taking his sweet time. you can’t even comprehend his words, totally consumed by the brutally enticing stretch of him, your thighs shaking at the delectable intrusion. he hisses at the sensation of your tight warmth, his head falling to rest in the crook of your neck. lewis licks over the sensitive skin, trailing open mouthed kisses down to your collarbone. you feel the sharp graze of his teeth, gentle nips making you shudder on his cock.

“don’t leave a mark.” you choke, and lewis seems to get it, so he skims his teeth lower, sucking purple just over your heart.

you clamp down around him, allured by the tweak of pain, and it seems to spark something in him, his hips rolling into yours experimentally.

“you feel so fucking good.” lewis pants, his breath warm and wet on your neck.

“need you to move.” you plead, turning your head to capture his lips in an urgent kiss.

he pulls out, slamming back into you roughly, your tummy twisting with anticipation. lewis finds a rhythm that suits you both, hips hitting yours with every thrust, each one leaving you full and spent.

“gonna make sure you feel me for days.” he promises, yanking your legs over his hips. as he does, he hits deeper and you yelp, stars in your eyes. “when you sit in the car tomorrow, you’re gonna feel me and remember how to be a good fucking girl, not an attention seeking brat.”

you ramble his name, eyes flooding with tears of overstimulation, dumbfounded at how he seems to hit a new spot with every slide of his cock. he’s digging his fingers into the meat of your thighs, pulling your hips impossibly closer to his as he drives into you, as if he wants to become a part of you, moulded for an eternity. with the way your stomach knots, butterflies and adrenaline coursing through you, you’d comply; you’d let him do whatever he wanted to him anytime he wanted.

“‘m so close.” you whine, pulling on every part of him your hands can reach. a refreshed sense of determination builds in his eyes and he presses hard on your navel.

“so deep, can see it.” lewis slurs, eyes fixed on your belly.

those five words make you unravel, sending you hurtling over the edge. he can’t help but fuck you through it, hammering home while you spasm around him so tight that he struggles to move.

“fucking addicted to this pussy.” lewis groans, burying himself as deep as he can go.

you’re utterly enchanted as you watch him reach his release, gnawing at your bottom lip when his part in a moan, allowing gentle puffs of air to escape. his long eyelashes rest delicately over his cheeks as his eyes fall shut, your name spilling out of his mouth like a needy prayer.

you’re warm from the inside out, flushed and full when he settles, pressing his body weight into you completely.

-

two weeks later, you’re in japan, bored senseless in yet another press conference. lewis sits further down the couch, and you have to cross your legs every time he speaks. no one seems to notice, except him, of course.

when it’s your turn to speak, and you’re asked all about your little spat with sir lewis back in australia, you shrug, smirking.

“we made up.”

-

oof

-

taglist

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if you wanna be added or removed lemme know! :D

[theshypinkflower]

Your style of writing and vibe reminds me of cherrybakewell.ocs on tiktok! Oh and is there other ocs you have for tpof/btd? If so, which ones are your main ones?

Beuwwuhiwhuiwuihw thank you so much I appreciate the compliments <3

I have tons of little ocs, msotly they’re for TPOF. They’re ocs but they’re more like little side characters I use since we don’t know a ton about the world within BTD/TPOF.

My biggest character would HAVE to be Salvatore. He’s less oc and more of fanon deisgn. I was really nervous posting him but I’m so happy he’s been well received. If you don’t know, Salvatore is the name (albeit with the help of my friends) dubbed Derek’s dad. Of course I made more charactes but they’re not huge plot characters.

Apart from the siblings (which I only have two designed) I drew Sal’s family. His father was Matt and was originally married to a woman named Andrea who he had two kids with (Janet and Sebastian). After a miscarriage Andrew completely lost it and ended up having to get a lobotomy which destroyed Matt. His kids still needed a mother so he remarried Esther who gave birth to Sal. Sebastian and Janet hate their little brother, they think he’s so spoiled (which he is) and frankly annoying. Really it’s Esther and Matt’s fault. At this point Matt was an alcoholic and didn’t pay much attention to his kids, and well Esther was a huge narcissist who loved starting drama and of course used Sal to help her.

The two Goffard siblings I’ve given names to and designs are Rochelle and Gwendolyn. The third and fourth in the line of siblings. I’ve already written their character descriptions and it’s probably somewhere under the #tpof oc tag. I do have more but they don’t have designs or character descriptions yet (worse part is I named up the name list 😭). Do note none of their ages are really set in stone. They’re kind of like place holder ages? I have a timeline I made and with some new knowledge I have to rework it. Plus figuring out the time from when Sal married, to conceived a kid(s), and then killed his wife is such a struggle. (WHY DID HE HAVE TO HAVE FIVE WIVES SND ELEVEN KIDS)

My second biggest character who I don’t post on here but I drew a fair amount of id Jennifer (Jen).

QUICK AVERT YOUR EYES CHILDREN THERES NUDITY AND GORE AND TRYPOPHOBIA

I was going to post the last one for Halloween but as you can see I never finished it!

Anways Jen is like Fox’s “rival” in the live stream torture business. A really bad wannabe rival. Those ears and tail? I’m not sure if you can tell by the manic orange hair dye but shes not a real beastkin. She just wears it to be more like fox. She’s a HUGE fan of him, and I mean HUGE. To the point it’s annoying. She does a lot more SH than Fox does since it’s just easier to hurt herself than kidnap victims like fox does. She’s based off that childhood experience (at least my childhood) of growing up on the internet due to emotional neglect from parents. Especially without internet restrictions. She stumbles across shock sites and gore content and it just becomes her things. She’s smelly, she’s an incel, and I love her.

(THIS HAS TO BE A TWO PARTER THANKS TO TUMBLR’S IMAGE LIMIT)

[doodlegirl1998]

Oh I remember this point, AT LEAST. Why? I tried to remember last night but forget.

The point is The Boys HQ and Kickass HQ are comics from the 200ish and is basically "Hero is bad" but in the kickass is differently.

Hear me out, bc I hope to make sense (I often say this bc in my mind I have long put essays and translate them to English is a chore)

Kickass, write by Mark Miller is a story of a loser (incel) who is a fan of comic books. There no powers in this story. The mc (forget the name but it doesnt matter) sufferes an accident and undergo a surgery where it made his skeleton stronger and more resiste t. "Ah like Wolverine" yes and no. His skeleton is stronger than mine ans yours but he can die EASILY.

Then once getting this "power" he decides to be a hero....for fame, of course. He also wants to impress the prettiest girl in the HS. And fails, he has no training, no real power and became a joke.

The girl is not impressed and think he is a lunatic( caveat here, dude has a secret id) well, the girl notices his bruises(remember? He can die easily) and is concerned and the mc takes an opportunity to lie and tell he is gay...so he can be closer of the girl. Who took pity of him and became his friend.

Which yes is canon.

Eventually the truth cames out and he got beat up him...

Why am I mentioning this? Bc I want to understand what is the point of MHA. Kickass is a story that says clearly "only a lunatic would want to be a super hero"

But the same logic cant be apply to MHA sense...it is a job, one many people sough for. Then...why Izu is the one getting the shortest end of the stick?

Hori cant claim, like Marl Miller (who is now a nutcase) "hero bad" to justify his own mc'a treatment...so why?

Hori hating his own mc is an answer(sigh, doubt the others mangakas will offer real critics to his writing. The manga community seems to be "fake till you make it") and it ruins his own story. It is possible to make a story where your mc gets karma...but IT NEEDS TO MAKE SENSE. It is amazing Mark Miller made sense in his comic, Hori didnt. And MHA is to be for young boys and family friend, Kickass is a edgy comic book for boys in puberty.

Hi @mikeellee 👋,

Exactly, other stories like you mentioned the MC's did something that made dunking on them somewhat justified I.e the MC of Kickass.

In MHA with Izuku there's none of that so it just feels mean spirited - there's no humour to see him be dunked on and take it with a smile. I find I just feel sad for him especially this moment

What did Izuku do to deserve this? Nothing but be proud of himself but that to the Author of MHA and Bkg himself is enough and warrants... Brain damage.

Yet Bakugou can treat everyone around him like trash, threaten to kill people, physically harm others under the teachers noses and no one, not even his classmates, care. Bakugou gets no slapstick hurt even though he's done more to deserve it than Midoriya ever has.

Wow.

[summerlycoris]

Okay so I'm putting this here because Dad really fucking pissed me off today and If I don't write something I'll just-

So I was helping him to put in a veranda and ramp on the front of my house today. Work projects with Dad would be difficult, but not misery, if he could just. Fucking. Not be a dick for 5 seconds.

Unfortunately my dad has "must be a dick every 5 seconds " disease so that's never fucking happening lmao lol roflmao.

Anyway. He was ragging out my brothers girlfriend Rochelle. And yeah. She's got problems. Neither of us can see the relationship lasting. (Rochelle's nice, but not to brodie. She let's her anxiety get the best of her, and constantly embarrasses him in front of their friends making out of line jokes, and emotionally abusing him.)

Dad thinks the reason they're not going to last is that Rochelle is on disability and is "a leech" "She's going nowhere." He used himself (hes not fucking diagnosed. And normally im all for self diagnosis. But not for this cuntwad. I WILL gatekeep from my damn dad because fuck him thats why.) me and my brother as examples of disabled people who don't need help.

And that ticked me off. Because I do need help. I just don't get help. Brodie needs help too. He just can't get it. Hell, maybe if dad had help as a kid he wouldn't have been such a bastard when we were kids. (He's fucked up 2/3 kids. Bad odds when your a parent. And he's still got plenty of time to fuck up the 3rd kid! SHES ONLY 4 YEARS OLD.)

I can't remember exactly, but I try to tell him that my life wasn't great and that I could've used some help. He asks how my life sucked so bad.

And I'm just fucking gobsmacked. Mum did this too recently- despite literally being the one to say that she thought I was gonna off myself at 11 years old years ago. Do these two not have any fucking memories?

I told him I'd been bullied all through school. (Couldn't exactly tell him he'd treated me like dirt whenever he was home) and he was like "well you're living a better life than your bullies. I bet they don't own a house."

I got so fucking angry. And I couldn't explain it at the time. But I can now- it doesn't matter what YOU think. Or what Mum thinks. Or what the fucking goldfish think. You don't live my life! And my opinions the one that matters, because im the one living that life. And I think my life's kinda shit!

I can't make friends. Not because I'm necessarily bad at talking to people (I can mask better now than I ever could as a kid) but because I just can't feel the same way about talking to people as I could as a kid. Like this may not make any sense- but when I was a kid before everything? I liked talking to people. It wasn't a chore. I didn't have to overanalise everything. But now it is. I quickly finish up talking to people thinking something like "Thank god that's over" or "Thank god that didn't go badly" and it's so. Fucking. Tiring.

So I'm gonna be alone forever. Not because of some incel bullshit. But just because I literally can't do it. I just can't fucking do it right. I can't go back to being 8 and being excited to meet someone new. I can't even go back to being 19 and bring willing to try making friends.

I'm 28. And I've spent most of my life being lonely.

And he's like- you've got the autism support group- but we meet once a month and I sometimes can't even MAKE it due to work and there's acquaintances. I don't even know most of their NAMES.

And it all just sent me into a tailspin honestly. Like the day was okay until he decided to be himself and trod over some exposed nerves. Then run his fucking jeep over them for good measure.

He's like "your like van goth" and I'm like "he killed himself" and he says "but you won't do rhat" and honestly dad? There's still fucking time. Better 17 years late than never huh????

Fuck, I needed to get that off my chest. I can't stand him. I really can't. But I kinda have to because I want to still know mum and nikara.

It's just amazing how he can just. Always find a way to ruin my day. Today was supposed to be good. It's autism group meet up night. I'm supposed to take Rochelle and one of brodies friends there. But I think if I go tonight I'll just be a miseryguts and cry everywhere. And I've got a surprise work shift tomorrow from 7-3pm. And then my fucking On Week at work. Despite not really having much time off from it and work doing a number on me even during my fucking off week this week. It's just not worth going oh my fucking God I hate this.

[hewholivesinhisname]

On The Goddess

Happy Mother’s day everyone! It’s the Patriachy here and I thought I would give all of you a little gift. Knowledge is power as the saying goes.

I could be wrong about all this. I could be, it’s important to say because I could just be a very mentally ill headcase with delusions about his ex-gf. It’s prossible. Right? But I don’t think so. I am traumatized and have a history of mental illness, but that doesn’t change reality.

2. Marika McCoola is the Goddess. The big one. Asherah, Queen of Heaven. She prefers the name Baba Yaga of course because as she says “She’s so evil she can get away with anything but she always has a reason” if you look Marika up, that’s the book she choose to write and the character she’s obsessed with. However, it’s much simpler, really to just call her The goddess in the same way it’s easier to call God, God, right?

3. Now, if you haven’t noticed there’s a huge international system of control operating in all of your lives and it’s very oppressive. She’s the one in control of it. She is at the top of the pyramid. She’s at the center of it all. And while she has precious few shrines around if you pay attention you’ll see signs and symbols of her power all around you. B symbolism, Owls, Spiderwebs with a black widow at the center etc. etc. Bitcoin if you notice has a big B with two towers on it. You’ll see a lot of bee references int eh culture such as the black and yellow school buzzes, masonic beehives, bumble, babylon bee etc. etc. She runs it along with a select group of high witches and warlocks “the fascist class” so to speak.

4. The way that she controls everyone is through the money. Everyone does things for money and she controls what the money does and to do that she needs a network of “trustworthy” people to run the economic system and this is the deep state which is identitical to the secret society network and the nobility and the way they pass it down is through Child, torture, rape and brainwashing. That’s the big secret in all the intelligence agencies and it ensures that these people never come out and tell the truth because they know if they do all their sex secrets will come out and they’ll be killed for being sadistic pedophiles. And of course she keeps the people in poverty and sexual/relationship poverty for the men in particular so if you are very corrupt man you’ll go up and try to reach new heights of power within her network. If you don’t, you’ll probably end up an incel loser with no money and that is on purpose.

5 She is “at the bottom” of both the Q (Queen) movement and Bitcoin. That’s why Cardi B came out with that red bottom shoes song. The pope wears, RED shoes if you notice. Guy isn’t talking to god let met tell you but he’s talking to someone. The pope, btw probably controls the city of london and the city of london controls the US military who is in charge of making war on and controlling the American People. The military probably tells Hollywood exactly what to do and what movies to make, especially for the kids, because everyone knows that children are the future so you have to brainwash the kids with both Media and with the education system. The pope in turn probably reports to some false god or other and there’s a whole class of these people in addition to a bunch of corrupt Jews who control quite a bit. So, that was a bit complicated but what’s important here is that there is a hierarchy of control

6. And this hierarchy of control probably trends towards reporting to certain locations controlled by the witches who run EVERYTHING. They probably do it in Salem, in Ohio in Seven Hills and Parma (the parma is a “pizza” reference”). In kerala india and other places such as Indianopolis which is very masonic.

7. Now, that’s very abstract but in her personal life, what happened between me and Marika is basically we got in a relationship and then we had a fight and she left me. I wanted to get married and have a family, Marika didn’t. And the reason that this is harmful is that if it ever gets out that Marika really is the goddess, she’s going to be sending a strong message to all young women in the world that the RIGHT thing to do is not to go out and be a good woman, get married and have children. No, you should just go out and party and pursue a big career make a lot of money and not have children. Throw your man in the trash, so to speak. She broke my heart. She hurt me probably more than anyone else has done.

8. And of course there’s a lot of other things that Marika hasn’t done which is very important such as speaking up about the importance of economic equality, she hasn’t spoken up about the poison in the food, about the vaccine genocide. There’s a lot of corrupt and evil things in the world and Marika there hasn’t talked about ANY of them. And, let me tell, she’s not dumb and she could be educating you and one of the big reasons that we have metals in the food is that smart intellectuals like Marika won’t speak up about it and instead choose to benefit from it. She isn’t eating that shit, but she’ll let your kids get poisoned by the rBST in the milk. She has enough money and clout to not be an onlyfans girl but she’s more than happy to let other women be so desperate that they have to prostitute themselves to the highest bidder. She tends to avoid anything political in public. Except maybe some nods to supporting abortion rights and feminism.

9. Now, let’s refute first wave feminism here, because everyone thinks that feminism is fucking fantastic, it’s great! Feminists claim that the root of female oppression is motherhood so you should avoid having children. All the women should get free birth control and abortions. Women are encouraged to go into the corporate world instead of having kids.

10. So the obvious thing here is that most women who enter the economic system are going to be horribly exploited. In the past, it was bad enough that the men had to partake of this shit and people had to fight really hard to stop women being exploited in the “infernal mills” and such where young women would have their hair yanked out and shit like that. Now, all of that shit might return because instead of full employment at high wages, they are working full time to drive wages in the basement. So, it is not “empowering” for women to enter the workforce. It’s empowering for a narrow selection of women in the fascist class like Sheryl Sandberg, but not for the average woman. It would be empowering for women if we promoted unions, the free market, a basic income for everyone, gave people guaranteed jobs and destroyed the monopolist corporations. If we destroyed the corporations, ended war and all the men were working together then even if there were a few bad men there would be plenty of rich simps for the women to marry if they so choose. So, you know, the average woman today gets to go deep into debt, forced to do onlyFans or some other desperate thing to pay high rents and we’re supposed to believe that single women being forced to pay 2000$ a month to slumlords with no way to support themselves except degrees that the upper class won’t pay for or selling their bodies is “empowering.” Whether you are a woman or a man you are still part of the lower classes and the fiction the feminists promote is that you can escape oppression by working for the upper classes. That’s a big fucking lie. You can’t.

11. The other thing is many feminists say “you can’t identify out of oppression” and the thing about the modern world is that we have a huge dearth of babies. The birthrates are so low that many ethnic groups including eastern europeans, South Koreans, Japanese, a lot of small ethnic groups in India etc. are basically disappearing and if it continues the world population is really going to plummet because of the anti-natalism. We have Dinks, we have single movements, we have all these people just going a

12. And with the men, I don’t see too many men talking about this dangerous trend either. The only guy talking about or doing anything about is Elon Musk. He has a big family, no one else does. Men won’t even talk about the necessity of saving their ethnic group or family from extinction.

13. So, what will probably happen in the future is that there’s going to be big mass die-offs thanks to the poisoned environment, big wars, the vaccine genocide, AIDs, drugs, suicide, etc. and the women won’t be pumping out babies because it’s not very liberating. So, instead we’ll go into the Cloud Atlas future where people will invent womb tanks to create artificial “purpose made” people. Boy is that going to be a shitshow and if the lights ever go off, humanity will then no longer be able to reproduce naturally and most of us will die.

14. So, that’s the feminist reality and the feminist future and it’s worth calling it what it is which is genocide. It’s genocide and slavery and brainwashing. It’s separating women from their powers as mothers and creators of life and giving it to a bunch of easily controlled robots. All the associated movements, the LGBTQ stuff, Dinks, Atheism, abortion, the trans movement and transhumanism. It all pushses women to not have children on the level of genocide. Put that on a T-shirt “Feminism is genocide” not a truth that most people want to hear let me tell you.

And Marika thinks it’s great. She’s all for it.

[jessilynallendilla]

Well I just read Superman: The Harvests of Youth and...meh

It's OK, not great, but given DC's past history with YA graphic novels it's leagues better than Girlboss Gotham High, Fight the Patriarchy Harley Quinn Breaking Glass, Black Lives Matter Nubia Real One and Tamaki's Self Insert I'm Not Starfire

Clark's life in Smallville for what, a semester?

The opening a student kills himself in the school and Clark wonders if he could have done or said anything to have saved him

But instead of going that route he becomes the boyfriend to the kid's art student sister as they try to uncover why and discover Smallville is being infiltrated by incels...yes really

It goes from possible Superman origin to modern teen drama

Other Notes

Lana is also adopted and has lesbian moms that never show up. With the few throwaway lines they exist in you could cut it out and lose nothing. So much for representation

Jonathan Kent...he just seems off to me like a show miscast a main character they also didn't quite know how to write for

The Luthors

Lionel, in his two appearances you don't get the same vibes you get from the show Smallville. He just moved his robotics company to Smallville, bought up land and doesn't hire local, while demeaning his son in public and not helping with the Smallville beautification project. He'll donate money just not his company's or put the name on it. You just don't get this is the bastard that shaped Lex into what he is, just that he's a corporate douchebag.

Lex, you don't get any foreshadowing of him becoming an egomaniac bastard. He just has the air of the early seasons of Smallville Lex, where he tries to do good his own way but is still an insufferable genius rich prick. Then at the end Clark is a dick to him because he's not a part of Smallville.

Those two just feel like they were put in because they're a part of Clark's past in Smallville and the robots could be replaced by some other plot device

If they were supposed to be a part of the "don't exclude outsiders" message it failed because the dead kid's family just moved to Smallville a year ago and Clark considers them a part of the community but still excludes Lex at the end

If it's supposed to be that Clark didn't fully learn and that's why Lex later turns into his arch enemy you don't get any hints of that because that's pretty much where the story ends

Also Mister Mxyzptlk isn't a Fifth Dimensional mischievous imp

He's regular human man that runs incel internet hate forums

[bonefall]

If you could rewrite any character arc and change any cat from villain to hero or just to a petty gossip who would it be?

I have two, actually: Ashfur and Darktail. Three if you also count Scourge.

Ashfur

I'm a huge fan of what they did with Ashfur and he's one of my favorite villains in the entire canon, but if I was starting from scratch, I wouldn't have made him a villain.

It was a great way to fix the age-old mistake of sending Ashfur to heaven, and I LOVE the idea of having an incel villain who could never let go of wanting to possess Squilf... it's just that I really liked Ashfur in TPB and TNP. I liked him as being Cloudtail's ride-or-die buddy happy to cover for his lies, his passion in redirecting the dogs, being Squilf's buddy and suspicious of Hawkfrost with her.

Ideally, I would have liked him in a sort of Stemleaf-but-Reversed role, where he was rejected and salty about it, causing a rift in their friendship, but ultimately reconciling with it.

Plus; if it were me, I would want to write about Clan CULTURE being the main villain of Warriors. The sorts of stories I like telling simply would focus on different types of antagonist from what the Erins like writing... even though I do like what they did with Ashfur!

Darktail

I don't even know HOW I would do this, since Darktail's kind of the big villain of AVoS and I wouldn't want to remove that... but man. I feel for Darktail super hard.

I mentioned I would want to write stories about clan culture being the true villain of WC; Darktail is the antithesis of that. If you need a single contrasting example of me as a writer to the Erins, that's it. I NEVER would have written Darktail the way he is.

I would have written him as creating his own Clan in some attempt to impress Onestar, trying to force the clans to see him as legitimate. Eventually, he gets disrespected on the level of Squirrelflight's Hope, realizing they will NEVER take him and his people seriously, and deciding he will beat them at their own game.

Eventually he'd leave the lake completely, taking a bunch of Clan cats with him, and go found WarriorClan. Or, at least establish a presence back at Chelford. Also it would be VERY funny if he took on a name to insult Onestar. Behold, Allstar of WarriorClan, BEST name any cat ever had ever.

Scourge

He's too cool to have only been in one book, though I get why they killed him off climatically. It's why in my rewrite he's part of ThunderClan up to OotS, where he dies in a rematch with Tigerstar.

I KNOW this is self-indulgent and diverges from canon significantly but, hey, sometimes you gotta do stuff for yourself.

I think Rise of Scourge didn't make him bad enough, though. The Scourge in Darkest Hour is significantly more brutal than the Scourge shown at the end of RoS. But anyway, I like the idea that what ends up changing Scourge is being shown actual mercy and nobility through Firestar. A change that's truly radical, to extend the protection of the code to outsiders as well.

Scourge is my beloved little guy, "I played TPB to 100% and unlocked the secret ending where I add the final boss to my party"

[whumpbby]

I'm kinda new to DC universe, so forgive me if my question sounds stupid, but... why the hell are they so fixated on the Batcat pairing and their never-ending-hookups-and-breakups? rather than focus on Bruce and his relationship with, like, 50 of his kids?? And don't get me started on all these "Bruce is sad and lonely without Selina :(" wtf?? the only relationships that matter are romantic ones? What about Alfred, Dick, Damian, Tim and the rest?

Well, it's a bit of a wider issue. Because when you have only so much plot available to stretch into 60 years you start to repeat yourself.

Like, this is not that the writers are uncreative or some such (as much as we like to rant about it) it's the downright ridiculous conditions they have around their writing that kill creativity dead.

Mainstream comic books with popular characters are my idea of Hell - the characters have to stay the same no matter what! Their relationships cannot progress beyond a handful of strictly dictated ways. The plots cannot be too "heavy" for the "typical fan" (white, straight, male, early twenties) to enjoy. By design - it HAS TO BE a literary equivalent of baby food to keep selling well.

A constant high-stake drama that in the long run means very little is a requirement. Constant. This means relationships.

The relationships that are easy to break up and restart at will - that means romantic. Familial relationships are too fiddly - you risk pissing off some fans, you have to solve shit, write around, gasp, relationships can change!!! - not so with romances. Romance is safe - for whatever reason they just can't be together🤷 I guess. Cool. Happens all the time. Women/men can be exchanged for a new model if no one stays together. Big returns are always a hit. Allo people are geared towards romantic relationships (intended audience above) aren't they?

Also, good old wish fulfillment - again, intended audience of white male straight 20yos (that is the only audience exacutives seriously consider) have to be reassured that the hero they identify with can easily pull a beautiful woman even if they're on opposite sides of the law. But they don't have to be tied down, you know, because relationships are boring once established - that's work, and that's not exciting.

Writing about a man dealing with fatherhood is not exciting. Not in the good way - way intended for our imaginary audience - not easily solved and not satisfying. Even worse, it carries a risk of showing the hero in a bad light from time to time, risk of the hero having to accept their faults and work on them and chamge! Can't have that! Change is bad! A 20yo intended audience doesn't care about parenting, do they? They care about getting the hottest girlfriend. Again. And again. And again. She doesn't want to stay, but she can't stop returning.

Also, the moment Batman readily agrees with a woman he doesn't control is the moment an army of incells raises to yell "wokeness got into my batman!!!😡"

None of these characters are allowed to mentally mature above their intended Target Audience composed of 20yos. That's why Damian acts like a little adult and Bruce like a mental patient - they have to edge the same line.

Notice that objectively best stories of the last few decades were written as side-projects and separate "verses" that don't really fit within the main ones. A guest writer of high caliber is hired for a book that sells on their name, and so they can tell a self-contained story about anything they want.

The family will never be the focus of Batman in the mainstream, because what imaginary always-horny right-leaning 20yo cares about family?

[hansolmates]

cherry contact |🍒

summary: jihoon has access to all versions of you - your credit score, shopping habits, work emails, even your terrible tinder history. pairing; fbi agent!jihoon x civilian!reader (f) genre/warnings; fluff, crack, it’s really just that “your fbi agent” meme that caused everyone 8 years ago to put tape over their webcams, questionable viewing habits for an fbi agent, language, dick talk, mentions of sex, jihoon has feelings and is confused, he is a PINER, tw—sexual harassment  w/c; 3.3k  a/n; i can’t believe i finished this😭😭 part of meraki’s job collaboration and i’ve been dying to do a svt collab since the dawn of time and finally today’s the day! it’s been a hot moment since i’ve written for jihoon, glad i managed to get those svt writing muscles going! a huge thank you to @merakiiverse​ and @woozisnoots​ for putting this together. readers pls definitely check back on the masterlist linked above to see more of the other talented cwc writers and their rendition of the job prompt!

if you like this fic please consider giving it a like n’share!🤓🖥🤓🖥

“Kevin, 32, works at Kodak,” you scroll further to the description, “I love being tied up and need a dominatrix, have swing at home—no.” Swipe right. 

“Lisa, 24, works at Infinity Dance Studio,” you definitely are weak for athletic ladies, “My hobbies include cuticle care and online shopping! Looking for a sugar daddy or mommy that can spoil me rotten—definitely can’t afford that kind of relationship.” Swipe right. 

“Hansol, 26, works in an art museum,” sounds promising, you love art, “wait, why are all his pictures of him holding fish? Is he inside a fish? Who the heck finds that attractive?” Swipe right. 

“Billiam, 31, works in finance. Needs a bratty baby girl who can triangle,” you grimace, “what is with these guys and stating their kinks from the get-go? Gotta take a girl out to dinner first, and the fuck is a triangle?” 

You swore off Tinder since the dark ages, also known as senior year of college. However you’re in a particular slump, thirst-trapped between needing some serious dick and a committed relationship. You’d prefer the latter, but after a stressful day at work and the fact that it’s the ass crack o’dawn, you’ll take what you can get. 

“Bye Billiam,” you sing-song into your phone, moving to swipe right. 

Except you accidentally drop your phone between your sheets, and when you pick it up you accidentally swipe left. 

“Fuck fuck fuck me with a fuckin’ fuck nugget!” you cry out into oblivion. You’re so glad you live alone at the very least, it stops you from looking like a crazy person when you talk your potential sexipades out. 

Billiam has Super-liked you! 

“No. Nononono—” you bludgeon your head against your pillow, frowning when your phone opens up a chat for you and Billiam. 

Billiam: hi can u check if my dick is too small

You: please, don’t send me a picture of your dick. 

Billiam is typing… 

You: for fuck’s sake—

“—that’s disgusting,” Jihoon curses, and immediately sends out the screenshot for sexual harassment. 

“What’s disgusting?” Mingyu chimes, swiveling in his spinny chair from his side of the room.

“Don’t look,” Jihoon gags, reaching for a bottle of Coca-Cola from the mini-fridge. “You’ll throw up your fried chicken.” 

“My person is a twenty-one year old nympho who also happens to be a incel,” Mingyu chastises to his screen, closing up the eighth tab of BBC porn he’s seen this week, “he doesn’t know how well he’s avoiding the FBI’s eyes,” Mingyu shakes his head, “so I’ve seen some pretty bad shit, but I’ll take your word for it.” 

“No,” he echoes your name like you’ve done the most heinous thing in the world, “no, no! Why would you swipe left on Jackson? You’re way out of his league! He literally looks like he has a pea-sized brain!” 

“He does look like he has half a brain cell,” your voice reverberates through his noise-cancelling headphones, unknowingly agreeing to Jihoon’s passionate throw of anger, “but I’m deprived and desperate, so!” 

It’s like you can hear his sentiments exactly. 

“Literally, you could have any person you want,” Jihoon chastises through his desktop, glaring heavily at your bedroom camera, “you’re wasting your time with these losers!” 

Oblivious, you let yourself dangle across the bed. The camera isn’t the best quality, but Jihoon watches intently at the rise and fall of your chest as you attempt to fall into a fitful sleep. 

“Some yell at screens for soccer,” Minghao says to the air from his cubicle, “some yell for Starcraft, but Jihoon yells for Tinder like it’s an Olympic sport.” 

“Jihoonie,” Mingyu rolls around his chair, resting a long arm over the backrest, “do you have a crush on your civilian?” 

Jihoon immediately swivels around his hair, meeting the amused eyes of Mingyu. “No,” he says sharply, whipping around to glare at his screen. 

He glares harder the longer Mingyu’s simple question sinks in. He doesn’t have a crush on you, he likes you. Jihoon swallows his sigh, wondering why you would want to go as low as Tinder to look for a potential tryst. From your profile, you’re absolutely beautiful and intelligent. You have simple pleasures that match his—a hot cup of tea right after dark, snuggling under a weighted blanket while watching anime, and sleeping in on Sundays.

Unlike him, you don’t see the world through half a dozen lenses and a plethora of information right at your fingertips. No, you’re lucky. 

“Hey can you grab me my water bottle?” Mingyu asks over his shoulder. 

Jihoon thinks nothing of it, leaving his post for the thirty seconds it takes to get to the mini-fridge and grab Mingyu’s Hydroflask. 

“You got a call,” Mingyu says when he plops the bottle on his desk, indicating to the red blinker on Jihoon’s computer. 

It isn’t until he puts on his headphones does he take care to see why his blinker is going off. 

He’s getting an incoming call. From you. 

You’ve been waiting on the line for about two minutes. He lets two additional minutes breeze by because Jihoon is internally screaming. You’re calling again. There’s a fire blazing in his brain, his fingers hot as he twitches against the spacebar of his keyboard. 

From the monitor he can see that you’ve given up on sleep, hands pawing through your drawer so you can take a final swipe at your magenta-tinted lip balm before nesting yourself in the sheets. You’re kicking around as if you don’t have work at 9AM, smacking your lips to apply the shiny salve while you wait for your call to be picked up. 

“Why is my civilian calling me,” it isn’t a question, it’s a thinly veiled indication that Jihoon is ready to fight whoever compromised him like this. 

Mingyu and Minghao fail to answer. That’s okay, he isn’t opposed to killing both if neither fess up. 

It would be so easy for him to ignore the call, or redirect it to another part of the office. Yet he aches to talk to you, for real talk to you. As if you’re just two regular plain-old human beings with normal lives, and as if he didn’t know every nook and cranny about your daily routine and your favorite breakfast foods.

Call it pride, call it confidence, but Jihoon’s been pretty good at games and he hopes prior experience helps him get over this hurdle. Slipping on his headset, he accepts the call and answers in a controlled voice, “This is the local hotline for sexual harassment reports, are you here to report a case?” 

Okay, so this is the closest thing he can get to having a full-fledged conversation with you, so he’ll take it. 

“Hi,” you mumble your name into the phone, and he nearly disintegrates right then and there. It’s different when he can hear your voice directly in his ears, definitively reaching out to him as opposed to being a fly on the wall, “I received an email that a report was sent out for my previous chat as sexual harassment, but I didn’t send out a report.” 

“Yes,” Jihoon replies smoothly, tapping his nails against his thighs, “it’s a new update.” 

“Oh, well thank you,” you reply, and Jihoon sees from the camera that you’re staring at your phone in curiosity. 

“It’s my job,” he says, and the words hold more weight than you think, “are you okay?” 

“Is it also your job to ask how I’m doing?” 

He smiles wryly, and he looks up at the monitor to see how you’ve considerably relaxed on your bed. Your legs dangle in the air, and you’re hugging a mango plushie with all the love in the world. “Not really, but I figured I’d ask. I don’t think I’d be able to recover from a dick that looks like an unhinged toenail.” 

Your laugh flutters in his ears, and his stomach is flip-flopping with more than just his shitty ramen lunch. Your face curls and wrinkles into happiness at the lewd joke, and you rest your chin on your stuffed fruit. 

“I’m okay,” you finally answer, “it’s not the first time I’ve seen subpar dick. But thank you… what’s your name?” 

“Uji,” he says, a codename that he considers as precious as his actual name, “feel free to call or text this number if you’re ever feeling uncomfortable and in distress.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind, good night Uji.” 

“Good night.” 

That wasn’t so bad, Jihoon thinks as he hangs up the phone. He dims the monitors to let you freshen up and get ready for bed, as per your schedule. After tonight, he hopes he can be sated with his curiosity of you. Maybe he needs to follow your plans and open up a dating account or something, he feels that he’s starting to get a little too engrossed in your presence. 

The waning starts today. 

You: help, i’m feeling uncomfortable and in distress

Uji: what is it this time? 

You: i can’t decide which weighted blanket i should get. Will more weight make me feel more comforted or will i accidentally suffocate myself in my sleep? 

The waning of you did not start that night, in fact it never began. Jihoon’s been on edge for weeks, simultaneously teetering between what he calls the high-school equivalent of the talking stage and an absolute catastrophe. 

It started as an accident, you meant to call your friend’s number for cooking help but since the last call before your friends was his, you called Jihoon instead. To your surprise, he knew how to roll out homemade pasta without a pasta machine. You kept him on the call for the entirety of dinner preparation, and he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pride when your pasta turned out perfect and you were happy and full for the entire night. 

Weeks later, and you’ve been texting each other for shits and giggles. At first you chalk up your insistence that he’s basically Human Google and has the answers to seemingly anything and everything, but over time it seems that you enjoy your daily interactions with him. Whether it be a simple phone call asking how to unclog your drain or a screenshot comparing two different KitchenAids, he’s at your disposal. 

The burner phone he’s been holding as of late is on silent, but he’s able to pick it up immediately. It’s almost intuition, coupled with the way he notices whenever you seem in a pickle and you need to contact him. However he does not have a chance to formulate a reply, as you’re now calling him.

“Couldn’t wait?” he speaks as if you’re familiar with each other, as if you’re friends. Jihoon longs for that so much, he would love to be upgraded to someone other than the IT guy you text for funsies. 

“Yes,” you say, voice laced with determination, “I’m deciding on whether to just like or Super-Like this guy on Light a Flame.” 

Jihoon deflates a little, but steels himself. You’d never want to go on a date with the IT guy, it seems that you enjoy the anonymity of your recent communications. Your conversations are definitely meme-worthy. 

“Who is it?” 

“His name’s Lee Jihoon, 25, works in the FBI.” 

He chokes on his coffee, precious beans from Argentina, and the liquid is flying across his keyboard. 

Pulling up your phone view, it confirms the worst. In a moment of Weakness with a capital W, Jihoon had caved and made a Light a Flame profile the other night. It’s an app reserved for more serious relationships, which means you’ve finally graduated from Tinder. 

“Are you okay?” he wants to cry when he hears you on the other line, genuinely panicked. “Do you need me to send you his profile?” 

“N-no,” he sputters, rubbing a rough napkin from McDonalds over his dripping chin. He thought he privated his profile last week after he realized there was nothing he could do to let loose of you. Turns out that isn’t the case, because you’re currently pursuing his profile and actually kinda-sorta considering him for a potentially serious relationship. 

“C’mon, Uji,” you tease lightly, “you always seem to know what to do. This is your area of expertise after all, since you work for that kind of department.” 

What should he do, scratch that, what can he do? It’s a complete violation of policy to be fraternizing with his civilian life. Sure, there has been episodes of civilians and agents meeting each other, but only minor violations that both parties forgot about shortly after. He’s so far deep at this point, he can risk being relocated or losing his civilian—losing you. 

“Do you think he really works in the FBI?” you say when he doesn’t reply immediately, “he’s really cute, though. Totally looks like my style, and he likes My Hero as well! C’mon, I just need for you to check as to whether he’s a homicidal maniac or a compulsive liar.” 

Liar. He’s a liar. 

That self-accusation prompts him to slump in defeat, and he mumbles in the phone, “I don’t think he’s worth it. I’d say pass.” 

“Hey, Coups has seniority,” Soonyoung pats Jihoon thoughtfully on the back with one hand, and grilling meat with the other. Barbeque always lifted up Jihoon’s spirits. “Why don’t you give it a chance and meet her for real? And then he can give me your super cute civilian and then he can give my shitty civilian to some newbie.” 

“And if it doesn’t work out, I just lose her,” Jihoon’s eyes are watering, most likely from the excess smoke around their grill, but it does align with his current state of sadness. It was the right thing to do, he thinks over and over as he replays that phonecall from last night. “Hoshi, if you were in my situation, would you have done the same?” 

“Like I said–” Soonyoung—codename Hoshi, waves his tongs around like a magic wand, “your civilian is super cute, so I would be making a beeline to her house and—” 

“Okay, don’t finish that sentence,” you’re his civilian, not Soonyoung’s. 

“Cheer up, c’mon,” Soonyoung’s filling his bowl with all sorts of delicious things, charred vegetables, mixed rice, and pork belly. Jihoon’s favorite is pork belly, so eventually he relents with a timid smile, taking out his chopsticks to appease his friend, “there it is, Uji. Food always makes things better—” 

“Uji?” 

Both off-duty agents freeze, hearing the familiar ting of your voice as it glares holes into Jihoon’s back. It’s you. Since they’re off the clock, he would have no idea you’d be here. Usually that’s fine, it’s early morning and it’s pretty unlikely that you’d run into your civilian considering you’re supposed to know every second of their schedule. It seems that tonight you’ve varied from the norm. 

“Uh, hey?” 

His back is still facing you, and he’s side eying Soonyoung in a panic. He’s wearing a cap and a nondescript hoodie, feeling like a shlub as your familiar voice pings back at him with excitement. 

“I knew I recognized your voice!” you’re unfazed, definitely not realizing the distress the two men are currently going through. “What a small world, I didn’t think we’d ever actually run into each other!” 

“Talk to her, you ass!” Soonyoung hisses, and immediately swivels his chair so he has no choice but to face you.

You’re so, so pretty. Prettier in person, prettier than any crappy 480p screen can give him. You’re definitely not dressed for barbeque, in fact you look like you’re just passing by to pick up a to-go order after a night out. You’re dressed in a silky looking velvet off-the-shoulder top, the cherry red color practically melting onto your skin. The black skirt paired with it has Jihoon salivating for more than just barbeque, and he has no idea how to look away. 

The smile is wiped clean off your face however, and you recognize him almost immediately. “Jihoon?” 

This should be a moment of joy for him, after all it’s far too late to go back at this point. You look a little hurt, your face twisted in confusion as you put two and two together. 

Soonyoung excuses himself to go to the bathroom, although neither party seems to care. The lame, over-distended EDM music that plays over the cacophony of the barbeque place seems to melt in the atmosphere, much like how the smoke hits the fan, and it’s just you two in the room. Jihoon gestures a pale hand to Soonyoung’s seat, and you take a beat to reluctantly sit yourself down. 

You clutch your skirt with both hands, thumbs ringing against the pleats and ironing them out. “So, you’re also Jihoon?” your voice is tiny, small and sad. Jihoon feels liquid guilt inject in his veins, and he wishes he could reach out and pat your shoulder, hold your hand, something. However no matter how much he knows you, he’s a stranger to you. “Why did you lie to me?” 

“It’s… complicated,” you shake your head at his pathetic reply, and Jihoon hates this. He feels like he’s drowning in smoke and mirrors and the cloying scent of pork belly is now sticking to all his senses, immobilizing him. 

With a cross of your arms, you scoff, “It’s always complicated.” 

“Please don’t think I said those things the other night because I don’t want to date you,” Jihoon tumbles the words out like a hamster wheel, wanting to speed up to your pace as fast as he can, “I want to, I really do, but it’s—”

“Complicated.” 

“Yeah.” 

The two of you sit in silence, letting the noise back into your little bubble. Jihoon feels his stare on you, akin to how a teacher looks over your shoulder during an exam. He robotically eats rice, grain after grain as he lets you have your look. 

The slope of his nose, the cotton smooth skin, the lean yet strong stature. You can’t believe he matches the Light a Flame profile perfectly. Other than the frumpy clothes, he matches the man on your phone, a simple picture in a black suit that reminds you strangely of the movie Kingsman. You mentally roll through what you remember from his profile, his hobbies, his likes and dislikes, his occupation—

“Wait,” you pause, your brows knitting together, “so the FBI thing on your profile… is not a joke?” 

Jihoon forgets to chew his last bite, and he swallows a whole two centimeters of meat down his throat. Ouch. 

“It’s—” 

“Complicated.” 

The adjective has a whole new meaning now. It’s crazy how in so little words, so much is exchanged between you two. You might not be realizing it, but Jihoon’s so attuned to you he feels like the pick to your guitar, strumming and humming along your chords like it’s second nature. It really isn’t fair, but anticipating your reactions helps greatly. 

“There’s things you’re not telling me.” 

“Right.” 

“And things you can’t tell me,” you add. 

“Yes.” 

“Then what are some things you can tell me?” 

“I’d… rather not here,” Jihoon’s eyes dart around the room, looking for all the pinholes and micro cams attached to the restaurant. By the bonsai, under the table, in the koi tank, “I need to work out some paperwork before anything.” 

“Paperwork?” 

Jihoon nods mutely, but he looks at you with a litany of emotions in his eyes you’re reeling back in your stool. Why do you feel like this man knows you from a simple five-minute interaction? And why do you feel like you can trust this man with your life? 

“Okay,” you finally say. 

“Really? Okay?” you think he’s cute, the way his eyes perk up and his back straightens. 

“Really.” 

Silence fills the space once more. This time however, it feels more at ease. 

“The only reason why I’m saying yes,” you pretend to nonchalantly play with your fingertips, a manicure reserved for a date you’ve long abandoned for this evening in favor of a new flame, “is because I think FBI agents are kinda hot.” 

A flush blooms on Jihoon’s cheeks, and you can’t help but giggle. 

[shartlord420]

Okay sorry but i gotta rant,your analysis really made me think i will leave you alone

(Your writing is very good btw)

So thats literally how i felt his actual motive were, it was just genuine pent up frustation he most likely kept inside for years

But that year, his life spiraled completely out of control ; he had to change locantion,probably had break up with his former gf (assuming he had one) and all of that just to be treated poorly PLUS a freaking god give him a power he couldnt even bear

So, with all frustation, loneliness and misery he probably felt like he needed to have control over something or someone again, and in that case it was Mayumi (im not sure thats her name im sorry) but it could be anyone, he would just invent some other excuse to get himself out of that mess

Okay im done, just needed to get this out of my brain

LITERALLY!!!!!!!!!

also imo i doubt he had a girlfriend i personally think he was lying sorry adachi but, i just, either it was the most shallow and meaningless short lived relationship in the world or it doesnt really mix with his primary issue which is that......... he doesnt prioritize forming and nurturing relationships in his life because thats how he was raised.

adding a readmore yet again because YET AGAIN i have "cant shut up" disorder

i just cant imagine him, especially before things crashed and burned (and especially when headcanoning him as comphet lol), going out of his way to date. dialogue with him just feels very like. transparent about the fact that he likes the surface level idea of having a girlfriend (someone who cooks and cleans for him and reflects well on him socially? fantastic, thanks) but finds the actual idea. like. tiresome. (gestures at his "marriage is where happiness goes to die" thing)

i just dont buy it, adachi......... i dont think your ex girlfriend is real..... that entire conversation just screamed "uhhh, yeah, im totally into girls! i had a girlfriend once. she was [checks smudged writing on hands] pretty and cooked for me. like, so attractive, trust me. dont look into this"

BUT EITHER WAY

yeah. no, he had very clear motivations without the incel thing. like???

atlus: okay so this character has immense pent up rage at the world, is desperate and impulsive and at a point in his life where he feels like he doesnt really have anything to lose (cough until he realizes he does with the dojima family cough) but man for what reason could we say he killed this woman?

atlus:

atlus: he wanted to fuck her!!!!!! :D

ATLUS IT WAS ALREADY ALL RIGHT THERE. HE DIDNT NEED A MOTIVE HE ALREADY HHHHAD ONE

and also. all the things he said to mayumi and saki feel very... like. are those things he genuinely felt/thought?

or were those hurtful things that other people circulated as rumors that adachi would have both heard and would have known would be extremely likely to piss them off and therefore work as a caveat for justification of him tormenting them- because, i mean, he was just asking a few innocent questions! theyre the ones who started the aggression.

its poking the bear!!! same with SAYING all of this to yosuke, who very blatantly had feelings for saki, adachi is PHENOMENALLY skilled at knowing exactly what to say to make people want to punch him and he does so REGULARLY because he finds it funny.

gestures at his interactions with dojima!!! gestures at the scene in arena ultimax where he gets pissed off at the cop and so he intentionally provokes the man with what he know will piss him off!!!! hes calculated!!! he KNOWS what hes doing. he plays dumb. hes just a dick because its funny!!! why would this be any different?

okay im done ranting (for now lol)

everytime i finish rambling i look back and go "oops! wasnt supposed to be THIS long"

[shrimpscribbles]

6, 7, and 21 for Jervis if you please?

6- Favourite thing this character has said?

I was looking back at some comics for this question and I’m having a hard time choosing between two from the same comic (Batman the Dark Knight (New 52) #1:

“There’s probably not an intact stained glass window in all of Gotham by now.” (About Batman crashing into windows and skylights) and:

“Would it kill him to have a normal conversation just once? ‘How was your day?’ And then the right hook.”

7- What do you like most about this character?

I really like how creative and mysterious Jervis can be with his crimes. It doesn’t even matter how personal the crime is, every Mad Hatter scheme is different in its own way while keeping the mind control theme. Faking his own death, turning someone into a Jabberwocky, sending Batman into an intended permanent dream state, you name it. And it’s usually never obvious that Jervis is the culprit.

21- Wild card! Talk about anything to do with this character! Anything at all!

Look, I really think Jervis doesn’t want to be a bad guy. There’s evidence of that in a lot of his appearances. I think his dream is to forever tinker away with his inventions and have tea with his friends. He’s a simple guy with simple wants and needs. To love someone and to be loved and to have a creative outlet. He obviously does not have the healthiest ways to achieve these wants. I think he has severe abandonment issues and that’s why he has a fear of people leaving him and not being in control of his surroundings. I’d like to write a character study about what I think his childhood was like and everything leading up to his decent into his madness. Not to excuse all the shitty things he’s done to people or to woobify him, of course. This character has been interesting to me for thirteen years and I think his fans deserve to have some kind of background on his past instead of being reduced to a creepy little incel. DC really needs to step up and stop hiring lazy and edgy writers who only want to think of the worst, most fucked up thing Tetch can do for views and money. If Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, and The Riddler can be allowed some kind of character development, so can the Mad Hatter. I started reading White Knight and thankfully there’s some character development for him (and the fact that Alice is only briefly mentioned and not being used as a ‘reputation’ against him (I guess?) and isn’t being made into a huge thing is a huge step up):

I would honestly prefer there wasn’t an Alice like how it used to be in the pre-BtAS comics but I think we’ll get back to that one day.

[a-flickering-soul]

do kylux for the ask meme 😳 you + me = mental illness

i love you so much for sending this in this truly is the mortifying ordeal of being known

putting this under a readmore because it is LITCHERALLY 1.2k words because i am literally clawing at the walls of my enclosure about these two

ANYWAYS go ahead and send me a character and i’ll give you some headcanons bc im having fun doing these!!!

Kylo Ren

Sexuality Headcanon: ambiguously queer. Don’t make me think about him having sex he makes me so angry

Gender Headcanon: he Must be a cis man. He has so much mommy issues. He is such an incel. He is so full of toxic masculinity. He must be a cis man.

A ship I have with said character: Kylux. Every single angle you take this ship from it’s funny and good. Canon—they hate each other and want each other dead. AU—they still hate each other but they’re (probably) less fascist and genocidal. It’s just so funny. They are so obsessed with each other. They gaslight each other into love confessions. It’s unreal. I’ve been thinking about Kylux for the past month and I feel like an entire geological age has passed. You can tell I’m a Kylux shipper and a R*ylo anti because I almost exclusively refer to him as Ren instead of Kylo. The gay angel went to superhell for Kylux to go canon in Lego Star Wars (twice) and a kids’ comic book. God mocks me to my face.

A BROTP I have with said character: This got literally shot to shit but post-TFA when a bunch of people headcanoned Rey as Luke’s kid and she and Ren were cousins and he reluctantly babysat her because he was literally ten years older than her (hhhhh.) and they had this weird mildly-contentious relationship as adults where they grudgingly acknowledge they are both the most powerful Force users in the galaxy and are the only ones who mutually understand the legacy they bear and care about each other but also cannot be in the same room together and hold a civil conversation for more than five minutes before resorting to uncomfortable silence. Like when you’re at a family reunion and you’re automatically shunted with the only other kid around your age so you have to make conversation but you are just so fundamentally different there’s nothing to talk about. Unreal.

A NOTP I have with said character: Hhh. R*ylo. I’m one of those evil lesbians who hate that ship viciously and one of my dreams is to be one of the mean antis that that bully a shipper in a story that’s clearly exaggerated or made up and then get cancelled for having good taste.

A random headcanon:  I think he and Phasma used to spar a lot. I keep thinking about the five years he spent on the Finalizer pre-canon and I can’t reasonably justify the Knights of Ren hanging out with him for the entire time on a literal military ship and I like the idea of them being the only people that are reasonably on par physically (I also like how Phasma is an inch taller than him because....whew).

General Opinion over said character: God. He drives me wild. I have a lot of thoughts about him and how good he was in TFA and the pre-canon comics/novels as a really fucking good example of a morally-conflicted villain (especially the comics where it made it really clear that he was very much manipulated and gaslit since like…ten years old). Like! The way he could flip at will from drawing strength from both the light AND dark side of the Force is just!! So cool! The way his strength literally derives from moral conflict is just really interesting to me but….idk the way post-TFA he was thrown into a redemption (Rendemption) arc that hinged on Rey being a literal genuine fascist sympathizer made me just really disappointed. He had a lot of amazing potential to be either a really interesting semi-redeemed Byronic antihero OR a full on unhinged animalistic power-mad villain that Rey has to mercy-kill like a rabid dog. And then. Well. Yeah. I like him a lot in very specific contexts and flat out hate him in most others.

 Armitage Hux

Sexuality Headcanon: gay! He is gay! I have an entire list of reasons why he’s gay and it grows daily! Without a doubt a homosexual! Gay and repressed!

Gender Headcanon: Also a cis guy even though I still do have a lot of half-formed thoughts about gender in the First Order/post-collapse of the Empire society.

A ship I have with said character: Kylux! Again! I’m obsessed with how obsessed Hux is with Ren. He hates him so much it’s unreal. I keep reading the novelizations and thinking so fucking hard about how consumed Hux is with hatred for this one man. He’s so repressed. He’s so damaged. It’s unreal. The brainworms in my head have metamorphosed into moths and they’re flapping their wings so hard they’re disintegrating my grey matter. I think near-daily about how he personally went down to retrieve Ren from the collapse of Starkiller Base and yet would not touch him to drag him to shelter in the Hux graphic novel. Would you take off your glove to check his pulse or would you attempt to feel it through the leather and touch something’s dead skin rather than his living warmth. I’m so deeply unwell.

A BROTP I have with said character: Him and Phasma!!! The way they are on first-name terms with each other….the way one of the few times in the graphic novels you see him smile is when Phasma comes back onto the base…..the way they plotted to kill Brendol together….truly evil mlm/wlw solidarity you simply love to see it

A NOTP I have with said character: Oof I see a lil bit of shipping him with Resistance members (I think I’ve seen him with Rose and also Poe??) and I know TROS made the decision to have him defect from the First Order (out of. again. his obsessive hatred with another man. writing choices.) but it makes me INSANELY uncomfortable seeing people of color being shipped with a literal fascist parody of British colonialism and imperialism lmao like….just ship Kylux bro they’re mutually bad people AND a power couple

A random headcanon: Frankly at this point I joke so much about how much like a sick Victorian orphan he looks like that I could write an entire fake medical file for him but I’ll spare you all and simply say that I am incredibly partial to the headcanon that Hux is a freak that bites string cheese instead of peeling it like a normal person. Also…the implications that he Personally placed the tracker in Ren’s belt rather than someone else, so that he alone could keep tabs on him…..I’m unwell. Enough.

General Opinion over said character: If Ren is a character I love to hate, Hux is a character I hate that I love. I just. I can’t stop thinking about this gay little war criminal. It truly, genuinely baffles the mind how much information there is about him. It triggers that same little part of my brain that goes wild over like. ARGs and stuff. There’s just so much lore. With every new piece of canon or semi-canon information I learn about him I can feel my grip on sanity slipping. He owns a black robe. He has a personal hitman in the First Order ranks to poison people he doesn’t like. He drinks tea. He’s a bastard son. He’s great with kids. He was in charge of a squad of feral orphan child soldiers at five years old. I just. I just don’t get it. I’m enamored with him. His compulsive attention to grooming. His hubris. His ambition. How literally unhinged he is (the “rabid cur” line genuinely lives in my head rent free). The way he systemically killed every single person who saw him weak and abused as a child. There’s just so much to talk about with him. He’s so evil. He’s so fucked up. I love him so deeply. He is such a horrible person and he is so fun to make fun of and he is so fun to think about. God wants there to be a bullet in my head so badly.

[electro-elemena]

Random thoughts I just had about death note

this is very stream of consciousness and was written in google notes, so sorry for the format and grammar but I just need this to be out there. Also if some parts sound like they're spoken out loud it's because they were lmao

- media needs to be interesting (check)

- if you disagree with me go look at Ryuk and then come back

- love the concept of death note. Very *chef's kiss*

- tickles the part of my brain that likes unlikely and outlandish theories and scenarios

- however enjoyable media also has to be:

- not insufferable... Sufferable you could say

- OR insufferable enough to make it funny

- death note accomplishes the condition of the second

- never finished it, realized i was running out of fucks to give and looked for a reason to give more fucks or stop giving fucks

- spoiled the ending for myself, if you've seen the ending you know why

- spoiler alert for an old ass piece of media... Y'all have your reasons and if this bit doesn't fervently convince you to watch it then it will do whatever the opposite of that is

- misa dies too. Which is unfair

- she's a boss ass bitch and a whole model??? Like

- okay tangent

- light is not a good protagonist

- I'll take a potato chip... And eat it

- he's supposed to be one of those gradual unreliable narrators

- but past the first episode you immediately realize that he is in fact a horrible person

- you could argue that the capacity to kill people without consequence given to a teenage boy was destined to corrupt him

- and that's a cynical and bleh boring take

- (but likely)

- but tbh it takes a dormant god complex in the first place for him to turn out the way he did. He obviously already thought he was better than others

- loners are only loners if everyone thinks they're worse than everyone else or they think they're better than everyone else

- chicken or the egg first sometimes y'know

- so like if you have the death note to a kind person they'd like write down Jeff bezos or something and then hand it back

- or! They could be like "i don't trust you with this" to ryuk and just keep it (but secretly be like saving it for later in case they want to kill someone else with no consequences)

- or maybe they're just in love with ryuk. Which like. I'll squint at you, and judge you silently for, but won't say anything, because I'm a nice person and not because you possess the ability to kill me without consequences whenever

- anyways so he's a bad protagonist and objectively evil

- i say this even though I usually like the villains. I love the hero but I like the villains too

- i won't condone their actions but I'll think they're hot or cool or something

- cuz i always side with the protagonist, when they're not insufferable (wonder who that could be)

- but mass genocide is one of those rare things that's not "oh this is good but it could be gray if done for the wrong reasons" or "oh this is bad but it could be gray if done for the wrong reasons" it's very "no. This is not ambiguous. Throw the whole person away"

- far less forgivable than mass genocide, however, is how he's not down bad for misa

- like??? The only reasons I can think of for him to have been written like this are

- 1) he's gay or ace and they wrote him like that as queer coding and secret representation

- cuz i know that there are many characters like that and you will never KNOW if he is or isn't

- unless like the mangaka... What's his name... Comes out on Twitter and says so

Mini tangent

- i can not for the life of me remember asian names

- i was practically raised by anime and i still can not remember them

- does not matter how much I love the character or person. I will forget it at least once or twice

- every time someone mentions a mangaka i have to check the database

- i think it's mainly because I haven't learned any asian languages, and that's the only reason I'm referring to them as asian and not specifying, because asian languages have a lot of common denominators that they don't share with western ones

- anyways I can't pronounce them so I can't remember them

- or i think I can pronounce them and then the real pronunciation is just waiting to pounce on me and make me feel like an idiot

- had that ever happened to you? I mispronounced the word cicada until I was... 17

- i was walking with my best friend outside

- which never happened because we were hermits and we never left the cave

- and I'm like "oh you can hear the ciSAHdas"

- and he was like "..."

- "you can hear the what?"

- and it's funny that out of the two of us, the AP student was the one that didn't know how to pronounce ciSAHdas

- did i just say that right? Fuck

- ciKEIdas

- anyways Carson did not do well in school, because he's the type of person that, if he does not give a fuck, he simply will not do whatever you ask

- no matter what reason you have

- so the old ass institution that "educated--

- mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell!

- "educated" millions of people crumbled at his feet, like the true being of chaos that he is

- although you could argue that it didn't do me any favors either, since, well, here i am

- and at least he knew how to pronounce cicadas! Damn!

Death note (ctd)

- anyways back to death note because we weren't FINISHED

- so he's gay or ace. My vote is for gay because of his relationship with L

- and L was another character that was treated poorly, he's way better than the early death that he got because he decided to be kind and less suspicious and i HATE that they did him like that

- for a show called death note they really did get death wrong

- funny how everyone around light ends up dying horribly

- you could argue that's because of the death not but I like to think it's because he's just that shitty of a person

- so back to light and how he's super fruity, there's actually a scene where misa is throwing herself on him as usual

- and i don't remember what she's saying, like i can't remember most of her lines

- and i don't know if that means I like her more or less than i would have

- anyways she's saying something suggestive to him looking hot as usual and he starts thinking about L

- like LMAO

- bestie, the closet is made of GLASS

- it is transparent. We can all tell

- 2) reason he could be written to treat misa like that is because it's a ha ha funny that he can't be bothered to give her the time of day, when she's a model

- he's murder sexual. He wants world domination, not pussy

- this is also a reason he could be considered ace but I just think an enemies to lovers with L is more interesting so that's my personal favorite

- anyways there's another scene where she's once again chasing after this toxic ass man

- which. Her main flaw is her absolute dog water taste in men

- so she's trying to get him to like her

- and he thinks

- LMAO

- he thinks "never before have I been provoked to HIT a woman"

- and he says it exactly like that

- which is hilarious for many reasons

- first of all

- i don't BELIEVE you

- you mean to tell me?? That with HIS PERSONALITY?? no woman had ever pissed him off as much as one being in love with him

- which, by the way, gay

- i would like to think this is possible not because of the previously mentioned "maybe he was a good person before given this power" bleh bullshit

- but because all the women had understood he was a fuckwad before interacting with him

- like they sent it to the group chat. The group chat? Yeah the group chat

- they were like bro. This dude? Bad news

- walk parallel to him at all times. Do NOT intersect

- cross the street if you see him walking towards you

- this is also why i like to think incels exist

- like they were already going to be bad and women just knew that and avoided them

- an alternative theory to the group chat phenomenon is that women instinctively knew. Like an edm... That's not the right word

- i know the word and that's not the right word

- e d... e p...

- like the thing you throw out as like a pokeball and it just makes all the electronics stop working

- like they take a break

- electromagnetic... Pulse... EMP!

- so that was sent to every woman's brain instinctively and they just avoided him

[coinofstone]

5x12 The Diamond of the Day pt 1

Final two episodes! Big finale! Why am I making myself cry in the middle of the afternoon! Both eps in this post.

I do love that they made Arthur a sore loser

Enter treacherous white woman #2. Srsly it was lazy writing when they did it for Mordred, it's worse now with Gwaine.

I do love the actual Round Table war room discussion but a) why isn't Merlin seated at the round table and b) why does Leon have so much goddamn faith in Camelot's walls? Like??? You literally said the same thing last year and yet Camelot *did* fall when Agravaine brought an army through the tunnels!

Poor Aithusa. Kid's had a rough life.

I do love Arthur responding to Merlin presenting him with all his supplies ready - which he prepared without his magic mind you - with suspicion 😂

But then he calls Merlin a coward and it's sad

Katie has such a great voice. That entire thing in the cave from her taunting to her laughter to the spell, it just just beautifully played.

Whole ass battle to prepare for and Arthur is just walking around moping cuz Merlin isn't there

So, Merlin's father-vision telling him he's magic itself and he just needs to believe in himself to get his magic going again, does this mean he *didn't* need to go to the cave to get it back? Cuz it seems like he needed to recharge in the cave itself, his injuries were healed when he woke up. That seems like magic cave stuff to me.

Also that "always have been and always will be" - I'm taking to mean 'always have been' in the sense that since he's 'magic itself' even before he was born, his magic existed in other, intangible forms, like we are all stardust etc. But now that he is, he will always be, aka he will not die.

Arthur waking up with his wife in his arms and Merlin's name on his lips, jumping out of bed to act on dream-info.

Balinor telling Merlin to trust in what will be.... like bitch that is literally not how this ends.

5x13 The Diamond of the day pt 2

You know that gif of the cat knocking everything off the table? That's literally Merlin shooting lightning at everyone from his perch on the ridge.

I have a lot of snarky things to say about Merlin coming out of the cave in full Dragoon gear and riding a horse instead of teleporting like the other witches but I'ma keep that to myself.

Mordred is a bitch and Aithusa has terrible aim. At least Aithusa's loyalty to Morgana makes sense.

Arthur said oh shit I'm magic - oh wait no it's that old man again

He also straight up "No! Bad dragon!"-ed Aithusa

Y'know, for all I've watched this episode and screamed about Arthur's death, I don't think I've ever focused on the exact moment he gets stabbed before.

Mordred catches him from behind and he meets it, no fault there. But as soon as he realizes his assailant is the knight who turned on him and joined Morgana, what does he do? HE LOWERS HIS FUCKING SWORD

He leaves himself wide fucking open and vulnerable and Mordred seizes the opportunity. I understand wanting the moment of recognition for Arthur, but on what planet is a trained warrior going to drop his sword mid-attack because he recognizes his attacker as a dude who only just recently decided to forsake him? It's soooooo dumb

There was a whole sequence a few episodes back where Mordred and Arthur are sparring, the point of it was to show that Mordred has become a skilled swordsman. So what exactly was the point in having Mordred run Arthur through as soon as Arthur idiotically lets his guard down? This should've been a meticulously choreographed sword fight, with Mordred getting the upper hand and sticking Arthur properly. Not this nonsense. Look at Arthur's FACE! Oh, Mordred... 👉👈 do you maybe wanna be friends again- STAB ... guess not

Uther's been rolling in his grave but he's taking an extra tumble watching Arthur forget all his skills and training in that moment.

I do appreciate Arthur getting Mordred back though. Like that moment of merciless anger followed by the hurt and regret playing on Arthur's face, warring with surety and responsibility. It was good.

I've rewatched the big confession scene about 16 times just now.

I don't quite understand why Merlin took Arthur to the woods to begin with. Instead of bringing him to the med tent in the battlefield or back to Camelot. What was the reason?

Merlin saying it feels strange (to use magic freely in front of Arthur) and him just going 'yeah' completely deadpan makes me laugh every time.

I really feel like Arthur's head should be elevated at a further incline if he's going to be fed.

Gaius refusing to outright expose Merlin as the sorcerer but nonetheless letting Gwen figure it out on her own warms my heart.

My God Arthur is sitting there dying, feeling betrayed about his best friend 'lying' to him, and still he can't stop himself from looking at Merlin's mouth.

Percival summoned MUSCLE POWER

Hey um random but why does Gwaine even know where Merlin and Arthur are headed? Why would Gaius tell him?

Arthur looks at Merlin so lovingly after he's killed Morgana 😭😭

And now he's literally grabbing at the man's hand 😭 "just hold me, please"

That's gotta be the gayest death scene in television history. If you can watch that without thinking Arthur puts his hand on the back of Merlin's head because some part of him wants to bring him down for a kiss, or that "just hold me, please" is in any way shape or form a 'bros' thing, and certainly not at all an intentional mirror/callback to Isolde dying in Tristan's arms, then I'm afraid you are what we professionals refer to as a dumb-as-nails fucknugget, more commonly phrased as 'willfully ignorant'.

"All that you have dreamt of building has come to pass" yeah except for the whole, y'know, magic still being illegal thing.

I've said this before, but, while I'm sure there was a determined intention to have Arthur die in his armor, probably in some kind of attempt to make sure the audience knows he's died a warrior's death, I *really* think it was kinda stupid that Merlin never removed it, despite Arthur being weak, despite the fact that there was something like five days between him getting stabbed and him actually dying, despite that for the duration of that time they were traveling or hiding out. Merlin managed to produce a cloak to put on Arthur, why did he need the full armor on that whole time? Like even if they left the chainmail on, those plates on his shoulder were just getting in the way, and it looked quite uncomfortable.

Also not for nothing but Lancelot got like, every flower in the forest surrounding lush verdant greens in his death boat, Arthur gets a bunch of sticks.

It suddenly occurs to me, watching this now, that the reason Leon/Percival is such a common side pairing in Merthur fics, is because these two motherfuckers are the only original Knights of the Round Table to survive the series. 🤦‍♀️ I dunno how I failed to notice that before now. My stupidity amazes me.

I'm *really* glad they decided to do this scene with Gwen wearing the Pendragon red dress instead of the black mourning dress. Yes she looks fabulous in it but it's more the symbolism than the 'reality' - with Gwen wearing her house's colors it represents a continuation rather than a finality. Camelot will go on, Gwen will undoubtedly end the war on magic and with Morgana dead (and frankly, I think by now she already brought about the death of all the angry incel type rulers in Albion) there stands to reason her reign will begin with a period of peace, possibly longer than Arthur's. We kind of have to assume that the 'time the poets speak of' is, inevitably, Gwen's reign - which only came about through Arthur's death. It's a little bit toooo subtle in my opinion, but at the same time, I understand the need for the focus on Merlin and Arthur - after all, this show was their journey - not leaving much time to focus on Gwen and Camelot in the aftermath of Arthur's death.

I will just say, the first time I watched this that fucking truck scared the ever living shit out of me. I also just immediately, viscerally hated that scene and declared it invalid - but I think it was because the truck made me jump out of my skin. It has since grown on me, particularly once I started reading 'Arthur Returns' fic.

Everything beyond this point is post-series spec and headcanon, so if that's not your jam you can exit safe in the knowledge that as usual, if there's anything worth commenting on in the S5 extras, I will create a separate post!

For those interested, my go-to post-series fic is We Begin Again by katherynefromphilly I fully headcanon this series as the continuation of the series.

I have a lot of thoughts about Gwen and Merlin post-Camlann.

For one, poor fucking Gwen. She's lost her father, her brother, and her husband, all by what, age 30? That's rough. And who knows what happened to her mom, that was pre-series and I don't think it was ever mentioned.

Merlin, dear god poor Merlin. First of all, I just wanna say straight off that my instinctive headcanon about Merlin was that he never returned to Camelot. I couldn't really say why exactly. I just don't think he could stand being there after Arthur's death. But practically speaking, Merlin's still got Aithusa to deal with, that dragon needs some godsdamned house training asap. He's still the last Dragonlord, it's reasonable to assume he'd immediately take that on considering Aithusa is partially responsible for Arthur's death (the sword Mordred killed Arthur with, only succeeded in killing Arthur because it had been forged in Aithusa's fire-breath) so he's either going to attempt to train the bad behaviors out of Aithusa, or...well...

The only thing is, I do not believe Merlin would abandon Gwen, or Gaius. So my hc is inherently flawed. I do think Merlin probably spend a couple months with his mum, and I do think he ultimately settled near lake Avalon waiting for Arthur's return.

But I do wonder, what must their relationship have been like? Gwen, surely, would've sought his guidance in establishing laws governing the use of magic. And surely, peace cannot last indefinitely, so Merlin absolutely would've defended Camelot and protected Gwen. There's just no way he could've completely turned his back on them, but I doubt he could bear living in Camelot. And Gwen is both strong and practical enough to get on without him there 24/7, even though I'm sure she'd miss him.

I also think she would've found love again. Whether with Leon, as many people hc, or someone else not in the series.

ANYWAY.

Thanks to everyone who came on this journey with me. I will post comments on the extras if I have anything worth saying - and I think I'll do a master post linking all these episode posts after I clean them up once I get time to sit at a computer and do so. Until then! 💙💚

(Gif source) (h/t @shut-up-merlin)

[malkumtend]

So I just wanted to offer one last clarification on my position on the whole Bramblestar drama that has started because of Moonkitti’s amazing video.

Honestly, I’m not sure why I’m doing this as I think I’ve been painfully clear where I stand. Short of it: I think Bramblestar is abusive, because he is. But if you’re a fan of him, I don’t think you should be singled out or attacked, I just want us all to be able to discuss this like civil people without making a war out of this.

However, there is something I want to address. Recently on fanfic.net, I received a PM (Not going to reveal their name as I refuse to offer them any more attention) where they said this to me how I was apparently loving all this drama as I’ve always had a problem with Bramble, hence why I write him so OOC and celebrate a crackship instead.

I’m only going to say this once:

If you think I’m loving this whole situation, what you’re insinuating is that I love the fact that Squirrel is in an abusive relationship in the first place. And if that’s the case, let me tell you, you’re not just completely fucking wrong, you’re also a complete moron. I love the fact that this abusive behaviour has been exposed, because I like to think of myself as a decent human being, but let me say I would have loved nothing more than for Bramble to be the amazing, loving character everyone likes to tell me he is. I didn’t go into this series with a vendetta against him, but when I see clear cut mental abuse that is never properly addressed by the authors, excuse me for thinking there’s a massive fucking problem with what his character has become. Do you think I like that Squirrelflight is in an abusive relationship? Spoiler alert, I don’t! It pisses me off! I wish it was different, but it’s the way it is! Bramble is an abusive trash pile, and that is Erin Hunter’s fault, not mine! It’s not the fault of the people who call his bullshit out!

I wanted to like BrambleSquirrel. I wanted to think of Bramblestar in the regard I think of a character like Thrushpelt, a loving, selfless individual! But that’s not what his character is! He is mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive to his mate, and I’m not the one with the issues when I call it out as morally reprehensible! Don’t you ever fucking dare insinuate I wanted this plotpoint to occur! I wanted happiness for the both of them, but that is not how it is going to be with how he is now!

Why do you think I ship this so called “crackship”? What the hell else am I going to do when it comes to Squirrelflight? Who were her canon choices, oh right, a grey incel who tried to kill her dad and kits, and a brown emotionally withdrawn domestic abuse perpatrator who treats her worse than a dog! The best choice I had was Shrewpaw, and he’s dead! I’d rather create an AU with a relationship based on respect and actual development than stick with a canon that punctuates abuse and toxicity! If that’s not how you see it, I can’t do much else to change your mind, and I won’t try. You can ship whatever you please, but DO NOT judge or attack me based on my own personal tastes! 

This is the ending. I am not loving any situation based around domestic abuse, because I’m not sick of mind. I wish it was different, but it isn’t. And if you see it differently, that is your right, but am I the one trying to start these things, no I am not. Luckily, you make up a very small section of this fanbase, and I will celebrate the Brambleclaw fans I’ve encountered who have had the common decency to respect another person’s opinion.

I’ve had it with this drama, I’m done!

[mysticaltastemakerpersona]

I screenshotted this because I didn’t want to derail the original post’s valid point which was that men can’t leave women alone in any capacity.

However, like ... women didn’t die for their witchcraft. Witchcraft isn’t real. Magical thinking is the only kind of magic there is.

If you consider witchcraft real, and having *always* been real, then some of those real witches choosing to be malevolent towards communities would have been a legitimate threat that a community would have been obliged to deal with in a way that stops the harm from happening. And if magic is something that can’t be prevented, because it’s incorporeal, then the only way to stop it would be to kill the one committing the evil act. If good magic exists, bad magic exists, and it’s reasonable to take steps to protect yourself against it - these women died because they weren’t witches, not because they were.

Do you see how this inadvertently justifies the murders of (approx) 50,000 women in the witch trials of the 14th - 16th centuries?

Those women were not witches. They were just women who were murdered for being inconvenient (or politically convenient to murder) in a variety of ways. Brutal ways - red hot pokers, pierced with needles, then hanged, strangled or burnt.

The murders of these women did not demonise the word witch. The word witch developed to demonise women. The word witch was nowhere near as universal as it became after the trials, and was not the catch-all for all kinds of ‘magic’ use either, until afterwards.

The Malleus Maleficarum popularised the word ‘Maleficarum’ as translating directly to witch, but it could have equally been translated to poisoner. This was a deliberate choice on his part, because poison is characterised as an invisible / hidden evil in the same way he wanted to present the idea of magic.

The author, Heinrich Kramer, wrote it as a directly rebuke after the events of the Helena Scheuberin trial in Innsbruck in 1485.

Heinrich Kramer was appointed as a judge on this trial as he was a popular preacher in the area but he was actually also one of her defamers: Helena was known as a outspoken women and had already publicly insulted Kramer herself, stopped attending his sermons, and encouraged others to as well. When she did attend them, she would interrupt them by accusing Kramer himself of being evil and in league with the devil.

The local bishop hadn’t actually wanted to appoint Kramer as a tribunal member, but Kramer received a papal bull (public decree asserting his authority in Innsbruck, most likely given due to an unrelated jurisdiction squabble happening in the area) and the bishop can’t ignore the pope.

What she was actually accused of is murdering (via magic) a local noble who had been sick for a long time beforehand; the man’s doctor claimed Scheuberin had been visiting him and was the cause of the sickness. She was a middle-aged married woman, so this was also probably implying adultery. The charge itself was of Sorcery - not witchcraft, which again was not clearly delineated as it later came to be through the witch trials themselves - which was a minor charge and probably would have incurred a fine. It was also a secular trial, because it was considered a secular crime. However, Kramer kept derailing the tribunal.

During the trial, the other tribunal members became concerned with Heinrich Kramer’s obsession over Helena’s sexual habits, including repeatedly trying to find out the age she lost her virginity, because he believed that witches are inherently promiscuous and all lose their virginities at a young age as a result. He’s also accused of making things up about her (sexual fantasies) that there’s no evidence for.

The first step was allowing Helena’s defense lawyer to sit in on the tribunal questioning, which was not standard practice at all in the time period. When that failed to deter Kramer, they suspended the tribunal altogether, and eventually Helena were placed on bond, and allowed to go free. Most of the accusers were found to be people prejudiced against either her or her husband because of their wealth. Six other women had been accused in the process of the trial, some of whom received fines or minor prison sentences.

For the next two years the local bishop keeps writing to Kramer to politely suggest he should just pack up and leave, but Kramer won’t go. In 1486, he is officially exiled, and specifically publicly denounced as obsessed with Helena Scheuberin and her sex life, and called ‘crazy’ and ‘senile’.

So Kramer has to leave, and he goes to Speyer in Germany, and spends the next year writing the Malleus Maleficarum. When it’s printed, he specifically reproduces the papal bull as the first chapter, and includes a petition of support from the theological board of Cologne University (nearest large theological centre). This theological board are themselves inquisitors who would be the people to handle any accusations of witchcraft in their own region. However, immediately after publication the theological board condemn the book, and several claim their signatures were falsified. They call it unethical, illegal, and inconsistent with catholic beliefs.

The Malleus Maleficarum has a secondary author listed, Jacob Sprenger, but Jacob Sprenger was actually another clergyman who was a consistent political opponent to Heinrich Kramer and his name wasn’t added as an author until many years after his death; it’s not clear why it was added at all.

The Malleus Maleficarum itself is essentially a long screed of misogyny, hatred and sexual fantasies. It is the Malleus Maleficarum that popularised the idea that witches gained their powers by having sex / ‘consorting’ with the devil, and that having sexual fantasies about a woman made that woman a witch who was trying to corrupt you. The theological position prior to the witch trials - from the Canon Episcopi - that the accusers were the ones that had been visited by the devil in dreams and tricked into believing falsehoods.

I can’t stress enough how much Heinrich Kramer sounds like a 15th-century version of an incel, and how he planted the seed that lead to the universality of the word ‘witch’.

So when I see women calling themselves witches and pretending magic is real, it honestly makes me wonder if years from now women are going to pretend to be succubi and call themselves Stacies. The idea of witch that is being bought into now is a purely capitalist product, developed from primarily male-produced books and tv shows like Bewitched, Charmed, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and yes, Harry Potter. Buying into being the operative term, see the proliferation of crystals, spell jars, etc.

Centering women in history is to recognise that 50,000 or more women were murdered because they were women and men wanted to murder them, because men hate and want to control women and they still do. It’s not deciding that the charges these women were murdered under are cool and fun, actually.

Some non-fiction books worth reading on the actual historical reality of witches, which is to say murdered women, and the witch trials, are:

- Witches, by Tracey Borman  

- The Witches, by Stacey Schiff

- Witchfinders, by Malcolm Gaskill

For the record, I’m not against witches being a device in fiction, but there are good and bad takes on the concept of witches, and pretending witches are real or that you are one is a bad take any way you slice it. If you intend on doing that, you should at least do some basic reading on the term you’re choosing to identify with.